sad, beautiful, tragic love affair

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want to hear a story? it’s even sadder and worse then my last post. because why not right? well this one is a mystery. literally. I have no answers for once, the girl who needs to know everything and have a plan and structure, well I didn’t get any of that. This story doesn’t have an ending. One day i will probably write a better version of it when I write my first book. but for now here it goes and part of me never even wanted to write any of this to keep it a secret or a hope I guess. I’ve been in the third darkest depression of my life, the other two were pretty bad but this one took everything in me to come out of. if I even am. ive been private lately for good reason keeping to myself keeping busy trying to be distracted until I am alone then I talk to myself, well I talk to you even tho who knows if you can hear me. ive spent hours crying, talking to you as if im insane. im going to sound stupid and a little of a sociopath writing this but trust me ive spent hours crying on my floor thinking I was talking to a ghost so this is nothing. the story goes, a stubborn soul let a stranger into her life, her very guarded life, she began to let walls down, she let these feelings come to surface and for the first time in her 28 years of life she felt something she has never known. being serious here took her this long in life to just actually be herself in a moment and she felt this feeling from her toes and out into the world, the alignment of a soul feeling happy like a real core crushing feeling she never knew even existed. well of course that would be taken away right? because this is how her life goes. well the story goes for about a month and a half almost she was happy in secret not even knowing what it was until it disappeared literally. this is like a mystery novel, I tried to be Nancy drew already, a sleuth but I haven’t gotten very far, all is well and normal one day and I have one last phone call with this person, then there gone its been, tomorrow thirty days since ive heard a single word. my calls went through now it rings once, I went to your landlord they seemed confused about anything, I wrote you a letter, I left you to many pointless messages. I don’t know a single thing about what happened. I don’t even know if your alive. you dissapered. maybe I was extremely stupid, but my instincts tell me otherwise I think something happened to you. ive been a shell of a human for a month now and I don’t know what else to do. your gone and I will forever be searching for you in every red truck I see drive by in very crowd. I simply don’t have a answer to this or a ending to our story. you jut disappeared and with you, the best feeling I have ever known. I will be haunted from this forever. I loved you and I acted like I didn’t. and the worst part of this story, I never got to even tell you. if I did something wrong im sorry and if your alive I hope your okay. im not mad im okay with the fact that I got to have that even for such a short time, so thank you. as anyone who reads this im coming out a month long depression that no one even knew about because how do I even explain this story? this is the truth to i’m not making this up, check my phone records. someone is just gone, how am I to heal or move on with no answers, I swear this is my slow death. or I hope one day I will get an answer and start to move on. so the story has no end, its mystery and I hate it. and im sorry to anyone I have to ever explain this too but its a part of me life such a huge part that wasn’t even a significant amount of time but a event that will haunt me forever, literally.