I owe you a thousand apologies, I owe myself even more. I wasn’t ready for you for real love and a best friend or maybe I was. I read this thing that said “you start to feel tired when your finally safe” like I have been in fight or flight mode my whole life that is all I have ever known, to keep me alive to survive, even in any relationship. but the last few months i’ve been exhausted because I finally am starting to feel safe within myself to trust myself to love myself. when I was with you I still didn’t know this about me and I hadn’t really started to dive deep into me. but I know when I layed on you I felt the most at peace I have ever felt. I trusted you I just didn’t trust myself and I was afraid that if I started to feel that way with you you would disappear. that’s all i’ve ever known. it wasn’t you at all its all me and thirty years of trauma and not dealing with it.but im being honest with myself. all I do know is six months later i’m actually starting to feel and grieve you and that loss. id have married you on a trail and never told anyone. but I did what I do best and I put walls up and tried to numb it out. but I do know “you were the best thing that’s ever been mine”
Categories: ***
Alyx
Aries, Slytherin, home owner, cat mom, workaholic, feminist, full of opinions no one wants to hear thats why I made this.
1 Comment
Josh · August 7, 2023 at 3:47 am
Long time since you posted on this. Was beginning to wonder if you were done with it. It’s natural to feel regret, especially if you see yourself repeating a toxic pattern. I hope the person you’re referencing has the heart to forgive and heal. Even give you another chance. Keep the energy positive. See you around. Not that I ever have, but that would be interesting.
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