self sabotage,she’s a bitch.

when you finally are where you’ve envisioned yourself your whole life. when you’ve finally “made it” or whatever the fuck. the goal is achieved the feeling of I did it, and the thoughts of,. I should be happy start. lovely. thats self sabotage and even tho I do deserve all the things I want in life and even when you have achieved them and are happy there is this part of the brain that wants to trick you and make you think and then feel the whole opposite. then you question everything and start to shut down. thats called imposter syndrome. its real. trust me i’ve read many books on it and have felt this way too many times in life. if only that part of my brain would shut the fuck up. not that simple. thats why I just started to cry while going pee. and break down. I had the best day today in a while. achieved a huge life goal of something I have always wanted and this goal is for my future and an amazing opportunity and something huge to be a part of. all day i’ve felt good and now that Im home alone that part of my brain has flipped the switch. let me spend the next few weeks or months or the rest of my life fighting it and telling myself I am not going to give in to self sabotage and to fight this literal part of my brain. because. I do deserve this and to be happy and to live my life feeling good.