learning to be

So far owning a house has been assembling shitty furniture till your fingers bleed, making storage that doesn’t exist, learning you have too much stuff but still nothing important. un packing so many boxes of junk, throwing stuff away. wanting to throw half the shitty furniture you just bought out onto the grass, and the realization that this is mine, all 768 ft of this tiny house is mine. I have time to do all this to make it mine I need to learn patience and acceptance, that I did this accomplished this huge life goal and just enjoy it. this is the hardest part, it will take me time to realize this is real. I just took a class online and his question was what does your dream day look like? I’ve never just sat and thought about that or just sat and enjoyed a day I always have stuff to do and i’m busy. but truly I’m not. I make myself busy and say I don’t have the time or know how to relax in a moment and enjoy. probably why I had a breakdown last night because I am always the type to be going, not just enjoying. so I’m making a promise to myself a vow to learn this part of life. when that question was asked my first thoughts were waking up drinking good coffee, going for walk, then working. those three things were all I could come up with, my dream day? shouldn’t there be other factors or people involved? there wasn’t nothing else came to my mind. I’m a workaholic but im good at it I don’t know how to be good at anything else like relaxing or just enjoying the house I just bought myself. to sit, to read, to write, to breathe to live. so this is my vow and my confession to myself that its true but I will learn, it might take me years but I enjoying learning new things in life. breathe and be in a moment and to just be.